I'm not really sure......

why the thought of turning 40 bothered me so much.

I mean, don't get me wrong....I don't like the way it sounds.

But all in all, it hasn't been as bad as I once thought it would. Of course it's only been a couple of weeks, but work with me here. I'm trying to embrace this.

I mean....it could have gone much worse.

I walked in to the salon that day, ready to chop off all of my hair. Well, okay, not really all, but darn near. I had looked through some of my old albums, (which I am WAY behind on since ending my reign as a Creative Memories Consultant...but we won't go in to that or the guilt that has ensued ever since.)

Sigh.

As I looked through, I noticed that the pictures of myself that I liked the most (and there weren't many), were the ones where my hair was shorter, neater, and high lighted better. Forget the fact that I was nearly 8-10 years younger.....I'm sure that had nothing to do with it.


Ahem.


So I walked into the salon on my 40th birthday....(thanks to my two teenage daughters who said they would pay for me to get it cut and high-lighted.....and I tried not to over-think that gift....because maybe instead of saying, "Mom it's a special birthday, so we're doing something special." they were saying, "MOTHER....do something with that hair!!!!" ) Nope...that wasn't it....I refuse to let my thoughts wander there.

I was all set. It was coming off. I was going to turn 40 and my hair would be short again...easier to fix, take less time....I had myself completely psyched for this.

Until I walked through the door with my freshly washed and barely styled hair and not one, but BOTH stylists look up at me and say, "Wow...your hair has really gotten longer! I like it!! You aren't cutting it off today are you???"

WHAT????????? Are you kidding me??? You're going to totally make me second guess my LONG thought out decision to finally whack this stuff off and suggest that I grow it out?

For those of you who know me well....I don't make decisions quickly. Or without someone else's opinion. And if i don't like that opinion, I will ask for someone else's until I get the approval I'm looking for. I was immediately in decision-making-crisis-mode. And I was all by myself.

My voice cracked as I quietly cleared my throat and said, "Well, actually I was thinking about going shorter today."

"Oh NO.....don't do that....it's looking good longer, and besides....it will help you keep your youth!"

Did she just say what I think she said??? Youth?? Decision making crisis over. I was turning 40 that day, and that was all it took. (This peer pressure thing isn't just for teens.....I'm just sayin'.)

Did I mention I was squirming in my chair this whole time? Well I was. I was SO nervous. Here I was...all set to come home with a "new do", and I was going to get to go home with an "old do" only longer. Sigh.

So in typical stylist fashion, she admires her work, telling me how good it looks, and how I'm going to really like it...how I will be able to do so much more with it. You know the lines....I think they practice them in cosmetology school. And they're good at it....because she had me convinced that it looked good.

I come home....text my BFF (because of course I am needing someone's approval, and hers was one of the most important opinions)....then I think it's a good idea to try to take a self portrait with my cell phone and spend the next 20 minutes snapping pictures and sighing in disgust at how big my nose looks, how that angle makes my chin look, etc., etc., etc. Self portraits with cell phones are not easy. But a best friend must see a picture, so her 40 year old friend can get her approval and move on through her day!!

I'm exhausted just thinking about it.

Best friend approved. I can proceed through my day.

And it was all good until the day after. Oh...you know all about the day after....and I am not referring to a hangover. I am referring to the day after a trip to the salon. When you get to wash all of that expensive-product-they-try-to-sell-you out of your hair and STYLE IT YOURSELF. Mmmmmhmmmm........it's scary.


After several days of attempting to style it and embrace the new look, I was frustrated and ready to take a pair of scissors to it myself. That is, until my daughters introduced me to their best friends, Ms. Chi and Mr. Paul Mitchell.

I was a nervous wreck as my 16 year old quickly ran a HOT straightener through my hair. I just knew I was going to begin my 40's with a big ole' burn right across the forehead or something. And thanks to some old hairspray in my hair from earlier, she and my husband were getting some good laughs at what a straightener can do to that! I was the brunt of this joke, and not loving it.

But then my almost 18 year old rescued me. And in the privacy of her room, she transformed what looked like a rock-star-gone-bad hair do, to a smooth, new look for me.

And now I love straighteners.

And being 40.

I'm just sayin'.

Goodbye little table....

you have served us well. But twenty years is a long time, and when the relationship started, there was only two of us you had to serve. Yep...just Darwin and me. But we have long since outgrown you.....

I guess a day like today shouldn't make me all melancholy, but it has. Because you see, that little table has been through nearly our whole marriage, thus far, and an awful lot of meals have been served on it.

It all started at a yard sale way up in St. Louis. My mom found this solid oak table with two leaves and four chairs....all for the meager sum of $50. But it was covered by multiple coats of paint. (Who would DO such a thing to a table??) But she could see the potential in it, and purchased it for us as a gift. It would have a long trip to make, and lots of work was needed to make it presentable, but we were now the proud owners of a real table. I could barely wait to say goodbye to the "dinette set with ripped green vinyl chairs". Quit laughing...you would have been too!

The work began, stripping off all of the coats of paint....to uncover the precious oak that made it into the sturdy table it was. And it had so much character....this table was a real "find". Darwin and his daddy worked tirelessly on refinishing what would soon be the table that would one day serve our family.

And serve us it has. It was just the two of us back then, and we didn't have the space in the little rental house, nor the need to use the two leaves. They were stored away for "down the road" when we would need them.

One by one the children came....a little faster than we planned or expected, and suddenly the need for the leaves had presented itself. We built our first "home of our own", and found out the week before we moved in, that we were going to have baby number two....just 18mo. after baby number one. And with additional children, came the need to insert the second leaf in the table.

Many a meal has been served on that table....and many an extra chair has been squeezed on to the side, so that all could fit and we could all eat together. Homemade birthday cakes to "save money" have been made and decorated on that table. Scrapbook pages have been created, pumpkins have been carved and some of life's biggest problems have been solved at that table.

But as our family has grown in number, it has also grown in size. Our children no longer need booster seats to fit at the table. Nope....now they just need a little elbow room. We have simply outgrown it...in every sense of the word.

Perhaps that is what saddens me the most. The reality that the reason we need a new table, is not simply the number of people, but the size of those people. Our children are growing up. And that is a hard pill to swallow. Oh sure....things get a little easier. Fewer spills at the table, and better manners....but along with that comes the reality that in a year from now, our oldest won't be eating dinner at our table. She will be away at college, beginning a new chapter in her life. And our oldest son will be in middle school, no longer a boy, but a pre-teen on the verge of a growth spurt that will definitely make sitting at a tiny table, less than practical.

At first I thought that I was the only one feeling sad about this. As a matter of fact, every time my husband mentioned getting a new table, I just couldn't even think about it. But then I found a table that looked like it had the potential to serve our family AND fit into a small area.

So today we all worked together assembling the new table and eight chairs. Everyone was excited and anxious to see the end result. But it was all I could do not to cry, when my sweet 7 year old came through the living room after it was all complete, and saw the disassembled "old table". Tears were in his eyes when he asked, "what are you going to do with this one?"

You see....even though he was the youngest child, and had eaten far less meals there than anyone else in the family, there was something about all of the memories that he didn't want to part with. And we won't. That table will be put away in the attic and saved for future memories. Perhaps it will belong to one of my children one day, and they can begin their life with their spouse and children and have a whole new set of memories around that table.

You know, when my daughter was in "Foods" class in middle school, the question was raised, "How many of you eat dinner with your family, every night around the table?" And out of a room full of kids, only two hands went up. My daughter's hand and one other person.

I can't believe how many conversations and memories they were missing out on! It spoke volumes to me when Jack was worried about what we would do with that table. It showed me just how meaningful and powerful those times had been.

Oh sure. We have a nice new table. But I wonder what new memories, meals & conversations are going to be had around this one? I can't wait to find out.

I'm just sayin'.