I'm not exactly sure what I was thinking......

when I thought that coming to the beach for a week would actually be a relaxing vacation. 

Well, I mean really....I have kids....and the words "relaxing" and "kids" don't really go in the same sentence do they??

No.  They don't. 

And am I the only one that feels like just getting to the beach is an act of congress?  Seriously.  I thought I was going to collapse when I finally walked in. 

And I'm not sure what I was thinking when I thought it might be a better idea this time to buy the groceries down here as opposed to lugging them all from home.   Clearly everyone else had the same idea....at 9 o'clock at night.  It looked like Christmas Eve in that store.....

Would you believe it if I told you that there was not the FIRST package of Kraft American Cheese singles???  Nope...not one.  

Lesson learned.  

And would you believe me if I told you that the boys set their alarm for 6am the first morning??  

They did. 

But I was determined to be a good sport about it....right after fighting with my teenage daughter shopping for a swimming suit. 

And just in case you're wondering, younger brothers ages 11 & 8 don't really relish the idea of shopping for an older sister's swimming suit on their first day of vacation. 

And mama's don't really appreciate 20-something male custodians being allowed to vacuum the ladies fitting room when their daughter is trying on a swimming suit.  I'm just sayin'.  Grrr......

The only positive thing out of that shopping trip, is that I finally found a swim suit cover up that actually covers!  (Okay, okay....so maybe it's closer to the length of a dress, but some of us don't look like Jennifer Lopez after having children.  Heck...I didn't look like her BEFORE kids!)

And I'm not sure if it was sleep deprivation or the heat, but for some unknown reason I decided it would be okay to not only wear a swimming suit with above mentioned cover up dress, but to venture down to the beach on a rather windy day....alone with two boys very anxious to do what they had come to do and not anxious to help their very out-of-her-element-mother "set up camp". 

Yes...I said set up camp. 

You know...spread the blanket, get situated, and.......put up the umbrella.  Dear Jesus, what was I thinking?

I mean....you need the visual here. 

Struggling with major anxiety about even being in a swimming suit/dress ensemble, I was determined for the other beach go-ers to never even notice me.  You know....I was gonna' just blend in with everyone else, and not draw any attention to myself. 

That is.....until my umbrella got involved. 

Yea.....kind of hard to go unnoticed when you very slowly try to put up the umbrella, and it immediately flips inside out threatening to carry me down the beach like a parasailing trip gone very bad. 

You can stop laughing now. 

I was trying to stay calm.....knowing that now....all eyes were now on me. 

And what is it about 11 year olds?  Could he not SEE I was having a major crisis and on the verge of an anxiety attack right there on the beach???? 

(In my calm voice that I'm not used to using...)  "Ummm....Destin, could you try to help me here??"

And all I can think at this point, is Lord, PLEASE don't make me have to get back UP off this sand in order to put this thing back down. 

It wasn't pretty. 

But we managed to put it back the way it belonged, only to have the wind catch it again. 

No.  I'm not kidding. 

And one would think that I had learned my lesson. 

(At this point, I'm going to claim the sleep deprivation thing again.)Because as I sat there sweltering soaking up the rays I never intended to soak up because I was suppose to have an umbrella....watching the boys look for sea life under water, some strange phenomenon came over me, and I looked longingly at my umbrella and thought....SURELY I should try this again. 

I must have been dehydrated....my mind clearly wasn't right. 

Because this time....I attempted this WITHOUT the support of my kids around in case this went wrong. 

Yep...you read this correctly.  I thought maybe the third time would be a charm. 

And I think you know you're in trouble when a tourist from several spots down notices me fighting to hold on the once again flipped inside out umbrella and he says, "Yep...I think that thing's finished now." 

Oh geez.  Thanks for the encouragment....and I'm suppose to be the local that knows what I'm doing.

And after seeing me struggle, he hoists himself up on the sand and brings along HIS son for reinforcement to assist.  Fortunately I had once again....single handedly gotten the situation under control.  But not before DYING of embarrassment and berating myself for being foolish enough to try it AGAIN. 

It was at this point that I was very thankful that everyone else on this beach seemed to be consuming alcohol.  It was my only hope that perhaps everything they had just witnessed would never be remembered. 

A girl can dream can't she?

And no....there are no pictures of this escapade.  You'll just have to use your imagination.

I'm just sayin'.